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And we’re behind the curve when it comes to texting like thissss. :)” He’s so afraid of sounding passive-aggressive that he overcompensates. A 36-year-old lawyer, who usually dates much younger women, told me with a straight face, “Yeah, when you’re texting girls in their early twenties, you need to throw in lots of smileys and shit.” Recipient: Often younger than the guy. The Passive-Aggressive Texter Sample texts: “okay.”; “that’s fine.”; “if you want.” The default. The confusion (usually) stems from an asymmetry of information, not malicious intent. When we text, “Okay,” we mean, “Okay,” not, necessarily, “Okay, but I’m going to sulk in my corner and daydream about how good it’d feel to be single.” Recipient: All recipients — even fellow Passive-Aggressive Texters — can be thrown by these. Recipient: Often left bewildered, as the texts are loaded with different shades of subtext.
Texting is an awkward medium, stripped of the nuance of eye contact, body language, or even written elaboration; there’s a fuzzy line between friendly banter and cutting insult. If a woman garnishes a text with an exclamation point or emoticon, this can lighten the tone, sell a joke, and transform caustic to playful.